The Struggle

Good Morning! I know, I know, it's been a very long time since I sat down and wrote out my thoughts for you in this space. To be honest, I've started writing several posts here and there, but didn't finish them for one reason or 6. For the couple of you that still ask about the blog, thank you and I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting. 

To give a quick update on me, I'm now 15 months into this journey and maintaining my weight loss. I've kept up my gym routine of 4-5 days a week and got pretty lax on my eating over the holidays. I'm currently about 2 weeks in to trying to eat on track and work hard in the gym. Not because I feel that I have more weight to lose, but because I am ready to see more definition and progress. 

Yesterday I was sitting in the gym, working my Chest and Triceps and while looking in the mirror, felt the overwhelming need to come here and write. For lack of a better phrase, I'm here to tell you that "struggle" we all talk about, it is indeed, "real".  We all have a different one, and so many of us have the same. My posts on Facebook usually portray the positive on my journey to lose weight and for the most part, that is true and honest. But please know there are hard days inbetween. Days where I deep down KNOW that nothing has changed about my body that I'm so proud of, and have worked so hard for, but that day, (yesterday in this case), I just feel fat. No, no, no, let's not go on the road here of thinking I see myself back where I started, close to 200 pounds. But flabby and gross for MY BODY, RIGHT THIS MOMENT. 

If you have complete confidence in your body, own it, love it, keep that confidence. But if you're looking to me for inspiration, or motivation, know that I'm a real person with real thoughts just like yours. I have good days where I'm so incredibly proud of this journey, and those days far out weigh the bad. But the bad days are there too, the body shaming never 100% goes away, nor does the guilt that I associate with food. But it's a battle I'm constantly fighting, enjoying the good days and moving on with the bad. I'm just here to tell you to give yourself a break. Work hard for the results you want and smile when you've done that. Don't look to all of the fitness Instagram accounts you may follow and think they've got it all figured out, they struggle too, maybe not about the same things as me, or you, but they do. 

YOU are worth this journey. YOU are worth the time and effort. Whatever your goals may be, push for them, enjoy the hard work and relish the days or moments, that you feel like you've got it figured out. 

Crazy Hectic

Hey there.  So it was brought to my attention that I needed to pay a visit to the blog.  It's still crazy to me that people read this, much less notice when I haven't found a moment to sit down and write. Life has been hectic, the good kind of hectic that takes you from good days at work to fun nights at the ball field.  Not much better than seeing your kids accomplish something they've been working on.  It's the kind of crazy where I have to remind myself what day it is, because they all run together. That's when this is required....

This week between work, gym and ball games, we'll be signing our oldest up for Kindergarten.  Before kids, people tell you how fast it goes, to soak it all in....but its not until you're slap in the middle of it that you understand.  I feel like if I blink she'll go from her Pre-K cap and gown to the real deal.  She is such a smart, funny, caring little girl and it baffles me everyday that myself and Mr. Coburn brought such an awesome little person into the world.  If I talk to much more about that, I'll cry, and that won't be good for anybody.

This past Sunday I was able to take the kids to Turner Field to watch the Braves play.  It was "Braves Day" for both her softball team and his t-ball and they were able to run the bases at the end.  I won't lie and say the waiting in line was stellar, it wasn't.  In fact I thought I might pinch my cute Sour Patch Kid's head off for a moment in that dang line, in the heat.  But they loved it, and being a HUGE Braves fan, I'm so glad they got to have that fun experience! Note to self though: I like baseball too much to sit up in the nose bleeds.

 

A crazy work and mommy schedule means its extra hard to find the time and energy to get in a good workout.  I'd love to tell you that when I can't make it in the door of the gym, I'll workout here at home.  I always have good intentions with that, and know that some people do that solely, but it simply just doesn't work for me. 

I may not have been able to get in my preferred 5-6 days for the last couple of weeks, but I've kept it at a steady 5 and I'm content with that.  I even managed to hit another milestone a couple of days ago, hitting the 60 pounds lost mark.  The milestones are coming slower and slower, but each little one pushes me to keep going.  Had you asked me 7 months ago if I thought I could lose 60 pounds in the next year, let alone less than, I would have bet a million dollars that I wouldn't.  Don't do that for yourself.  Don't set limitations.  Don't bet against yourself. Or hell, maybe that's how you push yourself, by attempting to attain the unattainable....if that's you, bet away!

 

That cute Sour Patch kid is out of bed and asking for more cuddles, so I must oblige. Good night. :)
 

Back Workout

Hey there!  Its Wednesday which means its Hump Day. For us, it's the only day of the week we don't have at least one ball game! I'll be heading to the gym this afternoon to take a Pilates class with my Momma.  My schedule doesn't match up for me to take it often, but it makes me sore in places I didn't even know I had! 

    {my thoughts on a crazy busy week}

Ella, my five year old, FINALLY had her first softball game last night. They've been rained out several times and she has been so ready to have a chance to play! This is our first year in any sport where score is actually kept, so it was so nerve wracking to watch!

Last week I got my monthly Birchbox subscription. It’s always fun watching the tracking for it and knowing its coming. If you aren’t familiar with Birchbox, you pay $10 a month to get a box of sample goodies such as make up, hair products, nail polish and sometimes even sample snacks or candies to try. I get a chance to try products that I may not have access to without Birchbox and have found lots of great things I love. If you haven't tried it before, I definitely recommend it!

Monica and I have been doing an awesome Back Workout that Mr. Coburn put together for us a few weeks ago.  I've been meaning to share it with you all, so here it is finally.  I have always incorporated back exercises into my weekly routine, but this makes me more sore than I have ever been, which for me, lets me know it's working!  Always remember heavy dead lifts done the wrong way can injure your back easily, so make sure you have proper form! In full disclosure, Monica and I watch a YouTube Video before we start them every time, just to make sure! I highly recommend that!

I'm hoping all of your week is going well, and that its all downhill to the weekend from here!  Please feel free to comment here or message me if you have something you'd like me to cover here!

Overstuffed Easter

Happy Monday y'all. Hope you had a wonderful weekend full of family and friends. Ours was super busy, but worth every second of it. 

Saturday night we had our 3rd Annual Glow In the Dark Easter Egg Hunt at my Mom's.  Many people have asked how we do this, there's no tutorial needed, we simply buy the tiny 1.5 inch glow sticks online and pop them into plastic eggs after activating them. In years past we've used the bracelets because the planning was more last minute, trust me, get the small ones...it's worth your sanity. Unfortunately there aren't great pictures of it because it's dark of course when we do it, but take my word for it, it's fun! My kids look forward to it every year and I'm so thankful they'll have this unique tradition to grow up with. 

Mr. Coburn had to work all weekend, so the kids and I made the trips to see some of our family. My niece and sister-in-law were in town and it was so good to spend some time with them. My Dad had a birthday and Monica's baby girl had her first birthday, so it has been a party for a few days here! 

In full disclosure, I ate TERRIBLE this weekend. No need to go into detail, but there was plenty of this cake involved and then some. I won't lie, while I enjoyed all the delicious food, I don't miss the feeling of feeling over full. 

I'm so thankful to have reached a point in this journey that I am able to splurge for a weekend and then get back on track. I know for me missing a day or two in the gym, especially adding bad eating in with it, can make me feel like I'm throwing it all away. Don't get me wrong, I was VERY strict for the first 5 months+ and still make healthy choices the majority of the time, but it's nice to be at a spot where my consistent workouts 5-6 days a week are allowing me to maintain. 

Monica and I hit this gym early this morning to get right back in track. I did plan to where I had a great gym week Monday through Friday last week, and will have a strenuous workout schedule to get back on track this week also. It's all about planning. 

This journey can be tiring. Please remember, your timeline will be different than mine. Whether you have less to lose or more, different "problem areas" or whatever else, please don't see my timeline and expect it for your own. You may get there way faster than me, or it could take you longer.  Each one of is is different and I hope that instead of being discouraged by not seeing progress, or wondering why you're at a different place in your progress than I am, or someone else is, I hope coming here simply let's you know that YOU CAN MAKE IT. Keep pushing yourself, keep making changes FOR YOU and you'll get there. I hope you come here and know that you're worth every single bit of the effort that this journey takes. 

{Coburn Family Photos}

Hello there. Today is my Friday, I'm so excited for my 3 day weekend to start. This has been a busy week with ball and work and everything else it seems. This past Saturday we had some family pictures done by the talented Ashley Allbee of Zesty Photo in Florida. She came up for a friend of mines' photos and we got in on her awesomeness too!


Right before I started this journey to getting healthy we had family photos done. I love any picture that has the 3 most important people in my life in them, but since they were taken so close to the start of this journey, they officially became the "before" photo for me. From the moment I realized that I could really make a difference in the way I felt about myself, I've been dying to have a "redo".

We've received a few peeks of the photo and I am SO happy with how she captured our family. I can't wait to get all of them and get them on my walls in our home!

I also met a very important goal a couple of days ago, my "ultimate goal" weight. A little over 6 months ago I threw out a number of 130, thinking it was completely unattainable. I was at 188. Now I am reevaluating what my next goal will be, which I know will include a whole lot of toning. I seem to have hit a point where people think it is appropriate to tell me that I am going to "wither away", that I need to eat something or that I need to stop trying to lose anymore. Of course this is a first time being in this situation for me, but I'm a little amazed that people think this is okay. I can count on one hand the people that it is okay to make this kind of comment to me. I am VERY aware of my weight and my health, I am doing this the healthy way and am in need of no advise on this matter from those that have no right too. Honestly, it doesn't anger me or frustrate me, because for the first time in a long time I am so very comfortable with myself, and also trust my husband to be the person that brings something to my attention if necessary. I am just simply shocked that people think it’s okay. You would tell someone over weight to "drop the cheeseburger", why would you tell someone getting in shape to "get off that scale". Okay, off soap box now. :)

I hope you all have a lovely Easter weekend if I don't have a chance to blog again before. I'll leave you with a few more of our photos.

Intentions

Do you ever have days that you just feel, inadequate? I think that's the best word for it. Where you can talk yourself into believing you can't get anything right? Or aren't good enough, in everything you do? Hopefully you don't, it's an awful feeling. 

                                     

Yesterday I intentionally turned my early alarm off for the gym, which was the only time I could get there for the day. Worked on a beautiful Saturday, while my babies were enjoying the sunshine with friends and a lot of my friends were running the Color Run 5K, that looked like a blast. I came home with great intentions of getting things done around the house before Mr. Coburn came home from work and lost all motivation the moment I arrived. Had grand plans of doing some type of workout at home, so I didn't end up with an unintentional off day, didn't happen. You get the picture. 

                                     

Why do we beat ourselves up in this way? As a woman, wife, mother and a list of other titles by the end of the day, it's so easy to get caught up in everything we "should be" instead of being proud of being what we truly are, right at that moment. Don't get me wrong, there are days I feel like Super Woman. The days I manage to get up for a 4:30 workout, shower and actually do my hair and make up and get the kids to school without rushing. Work, ball practice, dinner, baths and even find the energy to clean the kitchen before sitting down for the evening. Even more days where about half of that happens, but in a much crazier stressful way. But days like yesterday show their ugly face here and there, and knock me to my knees. 

                           

For whatever reason I tend to wake up the next day refreshed. Ready to make today everything that yesterday wasn't. Today I've enjoyed a slow cup of coffee watching cartoons in bed with my babes. There's nothing I can do to go back and redo yesterday. It happened, and unfortunately is part of life. It's not all rainbows and perfection. Who knows how today will end up, hopefully better than intended. 

                           

{Six Month Check In}

Hello Lovelies and Happy Hump Day!  Really, today is a Monday for me, but I'll spare you guys from having a second one of those for the week.  I am back at work after a 4 day weekend.  I got in some girl time, lots of family time and even some time with Mr. Coburn.

Sorry for the ugly faces, dead lifts and rows are ugly too.

    Sunday Morning iHop with my loves.

Today I'm taking a rest day from the gym after an intense few days on.  Sunday I worked LEGS until they were JELLO. Monday was Tricep and Chest and then yesterday I worked my Back with Mr. Coburn. I'm thinking I do not work my lower back enough because today I am so very sore.  Good sore.  To me, there isn't much better than being sore from top to bottom by the time I get to a rest day.  It means I earned it and that all of my hard work meant something.

Tball and Softball is now in full swing!

 

The first picture is in January, the rest Sunday. We know we're crazy.

Yesterday I was able to buy my first pair of size 6 pants.  I've worn a couple that a friend gave me, but haven't actually purchased them.  Every single pair of work pants I have at the moment are falling off of me.  I have tried to refrain from buying too many since I started losing weight, so the money is not wasted a couple of months later.  Leggings with dresses have been much more frequent in my wardrobe than usual.  I started in October in a size SIXTEEN, today in a SIX.  That feels pretty awesome.

Six months ago I was miserable with myself.  Nothing fit. Even what did fit, I felt terrible in.  I decided to make a change and haven't looked back.  I am addicted to seeing the changes in my body. Seeing where I was 3 months ago to now is even better than the very first progress picture I posted of the first 3 months.  I cannot wait to see what changes I can make in another 3 months. 

If you are thinking about starting a weightloss journey, do it. Make the promise to your children, your spouse, your family, but most importantly to YOURSELF.  Think about where you could be in 3 months, in 6 months, in a year.  You''ll be so thankful you did.  I started at 188 pounds.  Some people will gasp that I'm comfortable with putting that number out there, and especially my before pictures out there.  I did not take that first picture with ANY thought to show anyone, not even Mr. Coburn.  But today, today I am so very proud of the journey I'm on, that I feel not one ounce of shame for that before picture.  That girl is in the past, she is not coming back.  That picture is my BIGGEST motivation.  And if it motivates even one other person, then its worth every bit. 



Last Spring

 

 

  Built By Squats Tank

  

188.  Today I am at 132. 56 pounds down in 6 months.  When asked back in October what my goal weight was, I threw out 130.  I honestly thought it was pretty unattainable at the time and for quite a while after.  It has been my "ultimate goal" since. Now, 2 pounds away, I cannot wait until I hit that mark, but my journey will not stop there.  I still have weight to lose and muscles to build.  There will be a new goal to work towards.